FaceTime with Danielle Panabaker

Introducing our new feature, “FaceTime With,” which is exactly what it sounds like. It’s an opportunity for The Retaility to catch up with friends who’ve been on-the-go since we last saw them.

For FaceTime With’s inaugural edition, our founder Lindzi Scharf caught up with actress, director, and mother-of-two, Danielle Panabaker.

We enjoyed a quick trip down memory lane — on everything from Panabaker’s style evolution and teenage years in Los Angeles to her nine memorable seasons on “The Flash.” We also discussed her TV movie, “Second Guessing Fate” (out November 23rd on The CW), in addition to learning more about her approach to motherhood and love of the non-profit “Room to Read.”

Keep scrolling to join their convo. You can also watch Scharf and Panabaker’s conversation in full on The Retaility’s new YouTube channel, which is coming soon. Follow @TheRetaility on IG for updates.

Lindzi Scharf: I'm so happy to see you. I was so happy to reconnect. I loved that you came to The Retaility event with Tara [Aquilina].

Danielle Panabaker: That was so sweet and so beautiful. What a great group of ladies. [It’s] a really nice community you've built.

LS: Oh, that's very kind of you to say. That is exactly what I'm trying to build. To me, it's about, yes, the storytelling, because it always starts there, but it's also like-minded individuals coming together. I was thrilled that she brought you into the mix. Well, let's start [there] with Tara. How did you two originally meet?

DP: I met Tara because I saw David Giuntoli out one day, and I was like, ‘David, like, you look really nice. You look very stylish. You've clearly stepped up your game,’ and he was like, ‘Oh, I've had help.’ And Tara was the one who has been helping him, and then she came, and she was helpful. She came and did a big closet cleanout with me right before we moved, which was great. I feel like I needed to do it. I feel like with the pandemic, what was cool and fashionable in 2018 and 2019 was no longer cool and fashionable in 2024, 2025. So it was a good opportunity to have someone else saying, ‘No, you don't need to keep that in your closet anymore. That's not working for you.’

LS: I like to call myself a luxury hoarder because…. I probably should do a closet clean-out, but I feel like clothing sometimes represents an era or a moment in time, and it's just so hard to let go. But there is something obviously refreshing about doing that.

DP: Absolutely. And when you're ready to really purge and let go of stuff, having an outsider's perspective, an outside set of eyes being like, ‘That's not doing you any favors.’ It's really helpful.

LS: That makes sense. So actually, so we're gonna start on a stylish note. How would you say your style has evolved over the years?

DP: When I was younger, in my teens and in my 20s, it was a lot more about experimenting. I think, particularly my 20s and early 20s, were a big period of growth. Sometimes what feels right in one moment isn't serving you in the next. So I feel like my style has evolved, and I've been lucky enough to get to try a lot of different things on. But I'm trying to hone in now on what I feel is specific to me. My style tends to be a little more timeless, classic, and feminine. So [I’m] figuring that out.

LS: It sounds like we're in similar stages of life because I think a lot of people reach that point where you had fun with the trends; now you want what's going to be timeless and last you for the years to come, especially when you're trying to consider it from a more sustainable perspective, I suppose, too. That makes sense once you're in that period of your life where you know what you do and don't like.

DP: Like, I know I like the way purple looks on me, and I know I do not like the way yellow looks on me. So I stopped buying yellow.

LS: Also, now you have two kids. You've entered the world of motherhood, and I feel like, for me, that very much also impacted my sense of and love of fashion in a way, too. So I want to talk a little bit about [that]. How has your life changed, whether it's practically speaking with fashion or just in general, how has [motherhood] changed things?

DP: You know this as well as I do, but motherhood changes everything. There's not an area of your life that it doesn't impact and have a profound impact on. I almost feel like, at this point in my life, I have two separate wardrobes: the wardrobe I wear around my kids and the wardrobe I don't [wear around them]. We were getting ready to go to an event the other day, and I was wearing a really beautiful silk dress, but, you know, you look at silk the wrong way, and it's stained or wrinkled, and one of my kids came up to give me a big hug, and I was like, ‘Oh, how about you don't hug me, and I'll just hug you.’ I've also heard that some moms will put a robe on over what they're wearing. I need to do that. That’s smart.

LS: It's true. I don't change until literally the last second out the door because it is hard to explain, ‘Oh, I don't want to get a wrinkle on my…’ but obviously, when you're going out into the world, you have to be aware of those things, too.

DP: Absolutely. And my kids often have messy or sticky fingers, and they're living their best kid lives, but that doesn't always play well with fancy looks.

LS: Right, right. No, but also, that's just kids. I never knew they'd be so sticky.

DP: Oh, absolutely. That everything would be so sticky. Where did this come from? How did this get here? Like, what is it, and how will I get it out?

LS: What else surprised you about motherhood? We all know it changes you in every single way. And I hated when people said that. If I'm being honest. Because you are still you at the end of the day, but it opens up your perspective. So, yeah, I'm curious what surprised you along the way?

DP: It's very easy to talk about the challenges of motherhood and parenting in general, but there is a certain element of magic to it that's my favorite part. It is wildly unpredictable, which was hard for me in the beginning. I'm someone who likes order and planning, but there is such an element of magic and of seeing these humans grow and change in front of you, and the way they respond to you and go out into the world. It's so fun to see.

LS: It's like sci-fi. No one tells you that. It really is like having a front row seat to sci-fi, watching a human being form. Honestly, it's fascinating in every way. Without getting into too much, I've had my own journey with all of that. But it's incredible. I just think it shifts your perspective. And quite frankly, as somebody who was always very career-driven, I think it's given my life so much more purpose than any job ever could. And I think that for me was a big shift and a really important shift. So I don't know if you had that experience yourself at all, but it’s impossible to prepare for.

DP: When people ask, ‘What's your advice?’ It's like, 'Well, your journey is going to be different than mine.’ Everyone's journey is so unique. Every person is different, every child is different. So, I don't think I am a good person to give advice. You're just along for the ride. And one of the few things I do know about parenting is that we're all just doing the best we can.

LS: 100%. You had done a Q&A on social [media], for Mother's Day. Something that you talked about that I thought was really beautiful was… I think technically the question was, ‘Why are you private?’ But the idea of privacy [is interesting]. We're living in a time where it's not just people who are traditionally forward-facing. We’re kind of all forward-facing now, and it is such a personal decision in terms of sharing that imagery or not. And I thought that was a really powerful answer because it's something that, honestly, within myself, I've had to navigate. With my daughter, it made sense to share her story for her. There was no other way for her to [meet people]. I don't know how much awareness [you or other people have of her story], but, for me, that made sense. But there was a real shift with my son where I realized… There’s so much joy. I mean, they’re your everything. It's the thing that's worth sharing. And yet you do need to be aware [of what’s best for them]. And that's why now I actually only show the back of him. It's navigating what feels right. So I was curious, did you think about any of that ahead of time, or was that something you sort of slowly realized with social media in the picture?

DP: That's such a multifaceted question. Also, I feel like it goes back to my initial point that every parent is just doing the best they can. I don't have judgment about people who choose to share everything or nothing about their children. Again, we're all doing the best we can. For me, the genesis probably started not necessarily consciously, but a long time ago, because, you know, I have a complicated history with social media in general, [from] when I was on a show called 'The Flash’ for a long time. When that show started, the network and the studio were really pushing us to have a presence online and with social media. It was a very different place [then], and I was also much younger, and it was a difficult place. It was a difficult place to be. Over the years, I've had to create boundaries in terms of what I do and don't feel comfortable sharing at large with strangers, with anyone to consume in whatever way they choose. I’ve also learned a lot about how things can be misinterpreted and misconstrued on the internet. So, a couple of times in my life, I've had to take big steps back and examine my relationship with social media and decide try and be really conscious about the boundaries that I want to put up. And, again, as you talked about, we’ve made choices to live very forward-facing lives, and I do decide to participate in social media, but that's something that, very early on, my husband was like, ‘Oh, this is not for me.’ And we did have a conversation about it and pretty quickly realized we were on the same page, just in terms of—there wasn't much we wanted to share. I think I said this in my Q&A, but I think that it should be my kids' decision—what their presence online looks like. That's just my personal opinion, and when they are adults, they can make those decisions and hopefully by that point in time, I've tried to teach them to be aware of the internet and what it looks like and the consequences of being on it, et cetera, et cetera. So it'll be their decision whenever they're ready, and it's not my decision to make for them.

LS: Beautiful. I'm with you on that. My sister said her neighborhood, they're in Chicago, a suburb, and they have a pact that the whole neighborhood [is] not getting phones until whatever age. And I thought that was a really beautiful thing, so that nobody feels left out, but it is a different time with [all of that].

DP: It is also so nice when a community can come together with shared values. I'm sure there's other ones, but there's one I've heard of called ‘Wait till Eighth.’ That's a pledge [where] a lot of parents come together and we say, ‘We're going to make this decision. We’re gonna wait until eighth grade to give our kids a phone,’ or whatever that looks like. It can be really powerful and helpful when a community comes together. However, I understand that's not [always] doable. It's not feasible for all families. You might need something else just because of your family dynamic, whatever that looks like.

LS: [I also wanted to discuss] Room to Read. I know you're an ambassador. Tell me a little bit about your relationship with them.

DP: I only recently started working with Room to Read, and it was a very organic connection. When I got in trouble as a kid, it was definitely for reading under the covers with a flashlight. I've always been a reader, a lover of books, a lover of stories, and that was the initial connection—that I am so passionate about that, and I'm also really passionate about working with kids. This next generation is shaping the future every single day, and the work Room to Read is [doing is] really incredible. They work hand in hand with local governments and local communities to go into the community and help and support girls and young children all the way through teenagers. … Sometimes when they're teenagers, it's about things—like, how to balance a checkbook and manage money and things like that. I love the community, I love that Room to Read has created these books that are specific to each community, so that when the child reads the book, it's a story and a framework and a setting that feels familiar to them and not something that they don't understand and can't relate to. I think the lessons are learned so much deeper because of the intelligent way they do their work.

LS: I don't want to backtrack too much, but I also think it's interesting. You moved to Los Angeles. You're not from here, correct?

DP: I'm not originally from L.A.

LS: So what do you remember about that time? Because you grew up in the industry. I feel like you worked really regularly, and I looked up your credits and was blown away because you've been working a long time. So I was curious, what do you remember about when you first moved here? How old were you?

DP: I remember a lot. I was a teenager. I have a younger sister who was an actress as well, and she was a little bit younger. But I was 14 or 15 by the time we really started pursuing it. So I remember a lot. We were actually living in Chicago at the time. This is a little bit more of an antiquated term now, but there used to be a pilot season. Someone said, ‘You should fly out to LA for pilot season,’ and my sister and I both came out for a pilot season, and we both did pilots. The pilot I did didn't end up going to series, but shortly thereafter, I got a miniseries called Empire Falls, and, as you said, I've been very lucky, and I've worked pretty consistently for the last 20 years. It wasn't initially meant to be a permanent move to Los Angeles. It was like, 'Well, let's just dip our toe in and go for a pilot season and see what happens.’ Then we both, my sister and I, ended up working consistently enough that it made sense for our whole family to move out here.

LS: Wow. Okay, see, I didn't appreciate that piece of the puzzle. I mean, I did assume it would have been, maybe, acting-oriented just because you've been doing it for so long. But you never know, too. If someone relocates for a job, and then you're here and it's like, ‘Well, this is what they export [in Los Angeles],’ you know?

DP: My dad was in sales, and so we did move every two years growing up. So, I have moved around a fair bit. But ultimately, the move to LA was for my career and my sister's career.

LS: Have you ever contemplated anything else? What is it that you love about what you do?

DP: It's funny. I mean, two-part question. Have I ever contemplated anything else? Like my dad's a chemical engineer. When I said I wanted to go to college to be an English major, he was like, ‘Well, what do you do with an English degree?’ It just didn't make sense to him, you know? And so, no, not really [I didn’t consider other professions]. Did I ever contemplate anything else? Again, [with an] English major, it always comes back to stories for me and telling great stories. And what do I love about my job? I get to play make-believe for a living. It's pretty great, and it's a lot of fun just to go and to play and to get to create in that way.

LS: So, speaking of that, Second Guessing Fate. Tell me a little bit about the project and what you loved most about working on it.

DP: Second Guessing Fate is a more modern take on a romantic comedy. It was something nice and refreshing and light to get to do. We have a lot of fun making it, and it's about a young woman, Gemma, who's been on 100 dates and just can't find her person. And it comes in that moment where she's like, ‘That's it. I give up. I quit. I tried to make this work. I can't do it anymore.’ And then, of course, as it often happens when you stop trying so hard to make something happen, things show up at your doorstep. It’s a question of, ‘Does she believe in fate as these two really charming, handsome men enter her life?’ It was great. It was a lot of fun. We made it in Edmonton, Canada. I’d never worked there before. [It was a] really fun crew and very scrappy. The business has changed, and there’s [a different process when filming]. You're trying to make the movie efficiently. So everyone's ability to come together and work hard and as fast as they can was useful.

LS: Everything's like an indie film now. Everything's just operating in a very, very different way than it once did.

DP: Absolutely.

LS: Yeah. And then what if you learned about yourself over the last year?

DP: Oh, what have I learned about myself over the last year? I think as a mom, I'm constantly learning patience and just trying to step back and let my kids show me who they are and try not to get in the way. They grow. Our business is also changing dramatically, and it's a good experience of just trying to let go, and embrace the change and not fight against it.

LS: That's beautifully put. I feel like everyone has different moments in life where [they] are reminded that we're not actually in control. And it is an important lesson, you know? It's such an important lesson that if you can actually learn it, if you can actually commit it to memory, it serves you along the way. I mean, even something as simple as trying to be present. You know, I thought, ‘Oh, I learned it.’ I had my moment [that forced me to practice presence]. I learned the lesson of how to be present. I was truly present for a period of time. [I thought], ‘I’ve got it.’ But you’re constantly working on it. So I think letting go all of that is just a constant work in progress.

DP: Absolutely. And moment to moment, it changes.

LS: And then lastly, what do you still hope to accomplish personally and professionally? Like, what season of life would you say that you're in right now?

DP: My kids are three and five, but they're starting to get bigger, and I can see the moment [when] I don't have to be as present in their lives as I am currently, so I'm excited for that next chapter [and to], hopefully, get back to work. My dream is to get back to work on something I'm really excited about doing, something that is challenging and allows me to stretch. I directed a few episodes of The Flash, which was great, and I would love to direct again. And really expand my creative abilities in that way.

LS: Wow, actually, now that you've mentioned that, I'm realizing, The Flash had to have been a turning point for you in a handful of ways, even right down to directing. Did you know when you were working on it that it was such a big moment in life? You describe it to me. I don't want to put words in your mouth. What did that moment represent for you?

DP: As I think we were just talking about, every moment is different, and I would try to take it one season at a time, and there were some seasons that were more challenging than others. And then those were like, ‘Okay, I just have to do this one episode at a time,’ and then sometimes it's ‘one day at a time, one moment at a time, just get through this,’ and hopefully grow and learn from that experience. So, no, I don't think in the moment I had any idea the impact it would have. I never imagined we would go for nine seasons. I never imagined there would be a global pandemic. I never imagined [a lot]. There are just so many things that I didn't anticipate.

LS: Right. Gosh, and because I've admittedly been in my own little bubble, I don't think I realized there was overlap with any of that. So that makes sense. From season to season, you never know if the next one's coming. And I always forget that piece of it too, because I'm not on that end of things.

DP: But yeah, you never know if the next season's coming. You never know if you are going to be a part of it. You know, the creative vision for what you’re part of it can change.

LS: That makes sense. Well, then it sounds like you're an expert in pivoting.

DP: And, you know, I forget. I'm still learning. 10 years later, I’m still learning.

LS: Well, thank you so much. Unless there's anything else you would want to cover? I feel like this was great. No, this is great. Thank you so much. I appreciate your patience. But as you know, you know, you set out a bunch of dates, and it's lining up the schedule exactly.

DP: Honestly, I'm so impressed that you followed through. We made this happen. It's kind of like when you set a coffee date or you're gonna go on a hike with somebody. It's like, ‘Well, we'll hold our breath and see if it happens.’

LS: Especially in this moment in life where I have two kids in two different schools, I feel like someone's always bringing home some sort of virus. I never know what to expect.

DP: Totally. And then also to credit you, the fact that you followed up on Sunday, and you're like, ‘Hey, is this still happening?’

DP: That’s my Virgo control, like, ‘Okay, what does my week look like?’

LS: No, I love it. Honestly, it was such a busy week with so many unexpected things, to your point, that on my list was to reach out to you first. So thank you for reaching out.

DP: It was on my calendar. We made it happen.